so my husband is one of the many getting ready to leave it is our first time going threw this and for the life of me i cant figure out how to say goodbye and since my FRG stinks i've no idea what the heck is going on.We have a 2year old little girl that always crys when daddy goes to work and im not sure whether to say goodbye before the ceremony and head home or stay and watch the hole thing, even though i know that will be very emotional for me and im not to sure my emotions would be able to handle that. can somebody offer advice as to handle this, were new to all this and really want to get into the swing of things and involved with people and activities thanks in advance for your advice. 

id like some advice also on how my son (also 2) can say goodbye to daddy in a special way. i dont know what or when to tell him. should i let him see me cry? .. 

you will sit around for about 2 hours before the ceremony with him. Since they are suppose to start checking in about 2 hours ahead of time becuase of so many people having to check in bags and cary on bags. Then they will call them, they will stand in formation somoene will say a few words and then they will be off. Thats it its just short sweet and quick. So staying for the whole ceremony wont be as bad as you think it will be. Ya it will be hard to see him march away in formation but its ont like the ceremony is extreamly long just a quick 5 minutes ceremony. The 1st week will be the hardest and seem like the slowest but eveything should fall into place after he is gone and you will get into a dialy rutine and before you know it he will be back home 

As far as a child saying good bye that i have not adivce on thats gonna be so hard. last time they deployed my kids didnt know any better becuase one was 16 months and the other one was 3 months. This time they are almost 3 and 4 years old im not looking forward to how they are going to react when he leaves 

Okay, here it goes. And not everyone will agree with me, but this is how I have had to deal with this twice with two kidos! You are right, this is going to be very hard on you and your two year old! So, get ready. I didn't take my kids to the ceremonies! I tried and my daughter totally lost it, and had to leave and missed saying goodbye the first time! That was worse I think. EVERYONES emotions are going to be so out of whack for the week leading up to that event. Your husband is going to be on edge, as well as you. Here are some things you might want to do to prepare your child for what is to come. First visit the ACS...they have a lot of good info out there for things for both you and your children. Second, get them their own calendar..Special mark when Daddy leaves, estimate 6 mo down the road for R&R, special mark that and then put an extra special mark on the one year mark! Get them their own special pen to mark the calendar with! Another thing is an m&m jar. With 364 of them in there ( or their favorite candy)every night, they get one.... one day closer to the bottom;that is when Daddy is home. ACS I believe has books that you can read to them about what is getting ready to happen. If you have access to a video camera, have your husband record a message for your little one , have him explain what he is doing, go to work far away, that he will be back and he will be thinking of them all the time. Maybe have him read a couple of books on there for you to play for them at really hard times. Make sure you also check into SKIES.. They have lots of discounted activies for deployed spouses and children. I am really sorry about your FRG! What company/ unit are you with? I am an FRG leader, and I want EVERYONE, it doesn't matter the unit, to have all the information they need! 

yea.. thats my issue. lol. i already know what to excpect as for as the ceremony goes. this is our second deployment. but i was pregnant with my son last time. 

should i let him see me cry? That is a matter of opinion really. I have had to deal with deployments many different ages for my kids. My oldest two have a father and a step-dad that deploys almost simulataneously that it hits them harder. I don't cry or breakdown in front of mine. I stay strong for their sake as the saying goodbye part tears them apart. Even if I don't take them--I tried that one deployment--it hits each of them hard. My older two are 11 and 8, the last deployment they were 8 and 6. I forsee them taking it really hard, as they are close to their step-dad. Their father will be back in May so it will be as if they hadn't had a chance to adjust much when the other father figure (step-dad) in their life leaves. My youngest I don't worry as much about, because she is closer to me than her daddy. It was inevitable too, she was 2 weeks old when he left the last time and got back when she was 1 1/2 yrs old. It took a full year after that deployment before she fully bonded with him. We do the calendars--one each for each of my kiddos. We do the videos, take lots of pics, both my older two know how to type really well thanks to all the internet chatting with my ex and my husband. We try to set up time for each kid to talk on the phone, and even when they were younger and didn't quite get the calls we put them on the phone. Take advantage of all the programs that are out there for families of deployed soldiers. We didn't always have them. When my ex and I went through our first deployment, it was snail mail and a call every few weeks. We have so many more options now that weren't there before. Also involve your kids in putting together those care packages. I know mine always enjoyed that. They would put something special from themselves in every package sent out. It didn't have to be much, but it helped them feel closer to their father and step-dad. OH another tip, try thinking of the deployment in weeks not days or pay periods not days...it makes it feel shorter, lol. I think of it in terms of weeks--only 52 weeks and it helps me. 

@ Shannon it depends on the person. We say "I'll see you later" rather then "goodbye". This is what you can expect from the ceremony. You will load his bags first, then you will park and go into the hanger. You will wait, and wait...and wait for what seems like an eternity for them to fall into formation and March away. You will be surrounded by sobbing wives, family and friends, and also the cry of young children. This was the first and last ceremony I will stay for. I normally say our "see ya laters" at home away from everyone where you can just embrace your family without judgment. Then you take him and you drop him off and take off. To me I think its rediculous to have to wait around with your heart racing for two hours while they get their act together. 

To anyone who has a loved one deploying , I am willing to help with Kiddos if you chose to go to the ceremonies, no charge , it would be an honor to help if you need it. My heart and prayers go with those having to leave and a wish for a swift and safe return. Thank you for the sacrifies you all have made and God bless you and your families. 

aww thats so sweet of you to volenteer. Id take you up on that offer but i know hubbs will want them there. 

Kris, you are sweetheart! 

I can help ther eif you want I don't have to stay at the house with them, I have worked with kiddo for 10 years and have a son that has Sp. So I totally understand, if they need to step out I would help so you can still be there for him. Just an offer. 

There isnt a right way or wrong way for your child to say goodbye. It is going to be up to you and your child. There has been time that it was easy to say goodbye (easier, it is never easy) and times like this time it was horrible. Did I cry in front of my children, yes they know that I miss their daddy greatly. I had one that is 13 and cried from 2-8 almost solid. She is still weepy today. My 15yo was weepy all night but this morning was ok. My 11yo who I thought was going to be the one that was going to be really sad has been a trooper. She has been there for all of us. So you have to play it by ear and work through it the way your family will work through it the best. 

I didn't go to the 1st two deployments 1st one because I was still living out of state and the 2nd one because my kids were still young and it was very early in the morning so we said our "see ya later" at the car when I dropped him off. I regret this so much because I felt like I chickend out. I went to this last one and I felt so much better about seeing him off. Go with your feelings and see how you feel the day of. It's not going to be easy anyway you go and your husband will hopefully understand your reasons if you don't stay. Children normally don't say much and with her being so young she may not even understand whats going on but you know kids can pick up on other peoples emotions so if your husband doesn't mind it may be a good idea to have someone watch her. jmo. There is a lot of women on here that give some really good sound advice because they are and have been in your shoes. Blessings. 

(JMO)this is a hard question, b/c most people have there own way of saying goodbye, yes it is very hard to let them go, but you can always look forward to R&R....just hope they dont give him an early one like my hubby, mine left in dec and got back for R&R in feb just left last week. now i have a whole 9 months to go, it sucks. 

you dont say bye, you say see ya soon!! 

I am with you on that fairydreams0409, We declined the early R&R. He has his pick because he went on ADVON. We chose the later part of the deployment. Get the hard part done in the begining that way the last part isn't so bad. 

Our first Iraq deployment sucked cause i was prego due in March my husband left in feb, I had our son and he came back like the first of April and then I had to wait until January before he came home. so that was 10 months without him. LOL having the second kid WITHOUT him. I had my first one with my family and my second one with my FRG leader. He Just got back from his second deployment from Iraq last summer and now is slated to go back at the end of this year. lol So this will be our 4th deployment because I count Korea in there too. and that sucked too cause he wasn't here for either one of our kids births, missed SOOOO many firsts including the first day of kindergarten for our daughter and he will now more than likely miss the first day of kindergarten for our son too! Its hard but you will get used to it. Not to say it gets any easier cause it definatly doesn't... but you just get used to it. The first time we were without each other because of the army was when he was in basic.. and I didnt see him for an ENTIRE YEAR! It was actually a little bit longer, but they refused to give him leave when he was in Korea, and he left for Korea RIGHT out of basic.... sooo.....I said screw YOU army, and I just went over there.. lol I was unacompanied but I honestly think me going over there saved our marriage because I hadn't seen him for SOOOOO long it was like if I didnt then it would have been VERY hard. then about 6 months later as soon as we moved here about 6 years ago he got deployed and I went another 10 months without him. I have been there and you just go with your instincts for how to get thru it, because you can listen to advice all you want but in the end its going to be YOU who has to get thru it. ( and trust me the feeling of acomplishment after he gets back is SOOO worth it) Get support from friends, but your going to have to learn for yourself how to handle it.. Oh and when I told my kids how to say "good bye" it was easier to just tell them when they were little that "daddy is going to work" because they understood it better that way. the little ones don't always understand what a year actually is so good bye is not something I make my kids say I always just said tell dad we will see him in a few and tell him to have a good/safe time at work. 

thank you all for the advice and it will help i appreciate it more than you know . and that ceremony crud doesnt sound fun at all Lisa; my husband is in Bco 2-1 gsab. gosh its the anticipation on waiting. and he seems to be distant from us and the tension awhh its so frustrating i told him please dont pull away because i love you and pulling away wont make the see you laters any easier bc your the father of my child and the man that was there when i lost my dad, i just cant get him to see that i love him 

Shannon, they almost always pull away from the spouse because I guess it makes it easier and the closer they are to deployment they are grearing up for mission mode.I think we all have dealt with this... 

Donna is right. They do it, and I know that many of my fellow friends have been through it with their spouses/soldiers, just as I have. Its their coping mechanism. 

Shannon my hubbs is in Aco..lol. Enjoy the rest of your days that you guys have left. It will eat you up if you argue the last few days! 

I'm debating about going to the ceremony also. This is our 2nd deployment, but the last one was so long ago we only had 2 kids (they were very young at the time) and now we have 4 and they are older, so it's going to be harder I think. I really hate goodbyes and think it's already hard on us as it is that I don't want to make it worse by taking the kids to see everyone else sobbing and what not. I think we will just say our "see ya laters" at the house and then drop him off. I know he will understand b/c he's even told me he thinks that will be easier. Plus, if it's early the kids will be miserable. I am not chickening out, just trying to make it easier on the kiddos. 

wow, so I had to stop reading all the comments because I started crying! lol. I have less than a week before I have to deal with this and I know it's going to be such a hard day saying bye. I am sad for my daughter because she is a Daddy's girl and being only 22 months old can not fully understand why he will not be coming home for a year. It breaks my heart. I am pregnant with our second child and even though my husband will miss the birth he will be home shortly after she is born for his R&R. I am sad that he will miss the first 8 to 9 mos of her life but I would rather that then him miss out on when she starts talking and walking. We are going to stay super busy because that is the only way to help pass the time because if you are just sitting at home then it's going to DRAG on for what seems forever! I am taking advantage of all the skies classes my daughter can be in and using the free 16hrs of child care a month. I will be attending the events (playdates) that are being posted on the two facebook groups. I hope to start working soon as well as soon as I get certified with FCC. I am just ready to get this deployment over with. 

Ok so my hubby did something that just made me cry. He has never been the romantic type and I'm not either. We don't have to give each other gifts or be up each others butt all the time but this takes the cake. He has left over 100 I love you notes all saying different things. He hasn't told me but as he left I started cleaning and organizing like crazy and I have stumbled onto about 100 so far. Each one I found put a smile on my face. I just though it was sweet. Maybe you guys (wishing I could have) should stick a note in his bags to let him know how much you care. I know I enjoyed mine. 

BLM..my husband and I arent that mushy either, but before he left my husband left notes for each one of our girls in places that he knew they would look. So they found them after he left. Then I went to get into my side of the bed that night and there was a card from him. I also gave him a card right before he left and it had all they things I promised to do for him when he was gone. Like I promise to save while you are gone and etc . Each girl wrote him a letter, without me even telling them to. So yes ladies it is the little things that count. 

BLM, we aren't romantic either and that brought a tear to my eye. What a super sweet way to tell you he loves you!!! So yes ladies it is the little things that count. So true, FRM! 

Thats a really good idea with the letters idea,im not sure what to tell Harmoni im not to sure she'd understand short of saying you know daddys going away and will call us as soon as he can.hard to be romantic when he so angry 

I've already got like 3 cards for mine, lol! A list of love quotes I wrote down too. bought him a bunch of his favorite little things to pack with him. The kids have drawn pictures for him. We made a HUGE going away sign, I ordered him a pillow with all our pictures on it and we used a fabric marker to write our "I love you's" on the back and a bunch of other little things. I keep thinking of stuff and my husband is wondering where he's gonna put it all! LOL!